The general public seems pretty satisfied with banality. Derivative movies flop onto movie screens and people sit there, shrugging silently while watching the sludge with glassy eyes.
But not my buddy Burbanked. He unleashes an enviable amount of righteous hatred for the new Matthew McConaughey rom-com The Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past. Go read it right now by clicking here. Pure brilliance.
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Even Tim Burton’s typical visual flair feels lifeless and mechanical in this misbegotten sequel/remake of the Lewis Carroll story. The epic battle nonsense feels awkwardly grafted onto the original tale. Depp overacts horribly as the Mad Hatter, matched only by another hammy Helena Bonham Carter performance. A terrible mistake.
CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY
A terrific idea for an important message, but Moore’s politics and antics miss the mark. There are some truly disgusting things revealed in this film, but Moore lets the bad guys get away with some bewilderingly useless nonsense. A missed opportunity to really stick it to the criminals in America’s government.
THE CRAZIES
This remake not only feels like a retread of the original, but also of recent horror films. A thousand cheap jump scares dilute any horror in the proceedings, and some silly story machinations drag it down further. Tim Olyphant is fine as the hero, and he looks the part, but the rest of the cast is pointless. Nothing to get crazy about.
COP OUT
Another Kevin Smith failure. Willis and Morgan have good chemistry, but all in service to a ridiculously limp story. The jokes are flat and stale, the direction lifeless, and the script meanders aimlessly. I applaud Smith for trying something different; now he needs to try working at a Citgo and staying away from film.
CRAZY HEART
It plays like a country-western version of The Wrestler, which isn’t a bad thing. Jeff Bridges plays an alcoholic western-singing version of The Dude, but adds quite a bit of darkness to his usually laid-back persona. Maggie Gyllenhaal is near-perfect as his writer girlfriend. A simple and familiar tale well told.
THE WOLFMAN
A missed opportunity. The 19th century setting was promising, but the script problems are very pronounced. Benicio Del Toro is blank as Larry Talbot, while Anthony Hopkins chews the scenery to distracting effect. The CGI is all over the quality map. Very gory and dramatically inert.
PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF
It feels like an unholy meeting between Harry Potter and Clash of the Titans in the valley of Van Helsing. Logan Lerman is okay as the hero, but the hero sucks. And so does this movie.
With the DGA and the Producer’s Guild lining up behind Kathryn Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker, it’s pretty much guaranteed to take the Oscars for Best Picture and Best Director. And that’s a good thing; it was the best film of 2009 in a weak year. Just as long as Avatar doesn’t win, I’m fine.
It’s hard to believe that Miramax will now be absorbed into Disney and will disappear forever. This is the studio that produced gems like Pulp Fiction, Sex, Lies, and Videotape, and Clerks. Of course, it also produced over-hyped crap like The English Patient and The Aviator.
Hmm … perhaps it was for the best after all.
My first thought when I saw these promotional stills for the upcoming Oscar show was: “Geez, Steve Martin looks like he’s lost or in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.” My second thought was: “Man, this show is going to feel like it’s Oscars 1978.”
This is a surprisingly in-depth look behind the scenes at the making of Avatar. Like the movie itself, there is very little attention paid to the story, while the effects take center stage.
This news segment is interesting in that it shows how defensive and weird Mel Gibson has become in recent years. That 2006 anti-Semitic remark still haunts him. I say it’s time to move on.
Thanks, pal. Some things must not be tolerated.
@ Burbanked – Yeah, and you’re welcome for alerting Jeff Wells to the article as well, providing you yet another invaluable link to your site.
I’m such a good friend.
Nice! And there I thought that Wells say there, incessantly hitting F5 while obsessively waiting for me to update my site. I have such delusions of grandeur.
“say there” = “sat there”. Why exactly doesn’t WordPress allow one to edit comments prior to publishing?